Monday, October 29, 2012
yet another unfinished project.
i won't be playing through all the Final Fantasy games after all. the first one was taking way too long, and i'm just becoming a jaded fuck or something, because as much as i love classic games, it wasn't all that fun. it started out pretty cool, but eventually became tedious. who knows? just a minor update.
Friday, October 12, 2012
"It's Hallowe'en all over again" (Flaming Lips)
Halloween is coming yet again, and many people are very excited. they use Halloween as the "one night a year [they] can truly be [themselves]", and are able to express the "real" them.
personally, when it comes to Halloween, i'm a purist. i generally like to take the time to celebrate the death of the crops by worshiping Cernunnos, the antlered god, and harassing the locals into giving me offerings, awarding those that do with blessings, and cursing those that do not, sometimes causing such psychic distress that they commit suicide*.
psych, nah.
what i mean is, as someone who is not particularly fond of my actual self (for the record, cosplay nerds, your real self is the one that wears clothes and works at a job, and goes grocery shopping and such. your costumed self is a fun fantasy dress-up play time self, and guess what: that is awesome) i like to think of dressing up for Halloween as escapism. i don't get to be my "real" self, i get to be someone else. and really, how often do we get to do that? but for me, as I am an adult who is well into his 30s, Halloween, like most holidays, is about drinking, and lots of it.
what's the point of all this? well, as is the usual for many, i would like to give some Halloween advice, particularly some Halloween party advice. be forewarned: if you're a giant halloween enthusiast, you probably won't like my advice. too bad, tho. here it is:
Don't be a Costume Nazi. by that, i don't mean don't be a Nazi as your costume (but don't do that either, assholes/princes of england. the Nazis were horrible fuckheads, and unless you're in a movie playing a Nazi, or in some kind of historical reenactment, don't dress as one. also, don't be a Nazi in historical reenactments. further, don't be in historical reenactments). look, not everyone has the halloween boner you may have. perhaps you spent a shit ton of time, energy, and maybe even real money on your costume. that is fucking awesome, and i mean that snark-free. you know what i spent a lot of time, energy, and real money on? Mass Effect 3. man that game fucking ruled. every time i played it i was psyched. i loved the storyline, the characters were awesome, the graphics were mindblowing. my character, a female space marine/spaceship captain went around making out with other females in the game. it was so great. and for me it was worth every penny. wait, you're no doubt saying, what's the point of that? exactly! that's the point. not everyone gives that big of a shit about a halloween costume, just as not everyone gives two shits about sweet-ass video games. sometimes people will half-ass it. sometimes they may not even wear a costume (and by that i don't mean nudity, altho...). who are you to judge? as a bearded man, one year, i was like "fuck, i don't feel like shaving." so i went as the Unibomber. it was seriously what i generally wear everyday, and then a grey hoodie and aviator shades. i already had the hoodie, and my GF bought the shades for like 99 cents somewhere. i was sure someone would crawl up my ass at some point, but i actually got a lot of compliments. i think there are people who would say that costume was half-assed, but i actually did it fully assed. i didn't just go "oh shit, what am i gonna wear?" i was like "i'm gonna be the Unibomber". other people probably have been it many times, but so what? it doesn't always work out, however. last year i had no costume and no ideas, but i really wanted to drink, and i didn't want to be the guy with no costume, so i shaved down to a 'stache, put on my winter hat, cut off some pants i never wear to flood-water levels, drew a mustache on my pointer finger, wore a plaid shirt i've gained too much weight to normally wear, and went as a "hipster". it was so lame. and the drunker people got, the more they were like "are you a lumberjack?", so it just became a hipster lumberjack (totally a thing, guys!). i'm not proud of it, but fuck, whattayagonnado? i still managed to have a shit-ton of fun drinking and karaoake-ing (that's the correct verb form of karaoke, by the way). my long-winded point is just not to be so rigid on the costume thing. not everyone has the imagination you may have, but they may want to be apart of the festivities.
also, can we not slut shame? the sexy/slutty version of most costumes is kinda lame, but it doesn't make those people bad people. i dunno, i don't think we should slut shame in life, and Halloween is just another day, right? a fun day, but a day nevertheless. also, some sexy costumes are kind of okay (and i'm not just saying that cuz of the boners). like, people may disagree, but i think Sexy Librarian is fully acceptable. i'm also not totally anti- Sexy Nurse. but most of them are right out. Sexy Kermit is just... jesus christ... i can't...
i'd tell you what i'm going as, but i want people to get the full effect in person. it's not a giant leap, but it did take a bit of effort, and i think it's imaginative. and one of these days, as promised for many years, i WILL go as a Scary Ghost (sheet w/ eyeholes cut out).
have Happy Halloweening, everybody.
*the actual origin of Treat-Or-Treating. or not. i grew up Evangelical, and was lectured at many times of the evils of Halloween.
personally, when it comes to Halloween, i'm a purist. i generally like to take the time to celebrate the death of the crops by worshiping Cernunnos, the antlered god, and harassing the locals into giving me offerings, awarding those that do with blessings, and cursing those that do not, sometimes causing such psychic distress that they commit suicide*.
psych, nah.
what i mean is, as someone who is not particularly fond of my actual self (for the record, cosplay nerds, your real self is the one that wears clothes and works at a job, and goes grocery shopping and such. your costumed self is a fun fantasy dress-up play time self, and guess what: that is awesome) i like to think of dressing up for Halloween as escapism. i don't get to be my "real" self, i get to be someone else. and really, how often do we get to do that? but for me, as I am an adult who is well into his 30s, Halloween, like most holidays, is about drinking, and lots of it.
what's the point of all this? well, as is the usual for many, i would like to give some Halloween advice, particularly some Halloween party advice. be forewarned: if you're a giant halloween enthusiast, you probably won't like my advice. too bad, tho. here it is:
Don't be a Costume Nazi. by that, i don't mean don't be a Nazi as your costume (but don't do that either, assholes/princes of england. the Nazis were horrible fuckheads, and unless you're in a movie playing a Nazi, or in some kind of historical reenactment, don't dress as one. also, don't be a Nazi in historical reenactments. further, don't be in historical reenactments). look, not everyone has the halloween boner you may have. perhaps you spent a shit ton of time, energy, and maybe even real money on your costume. that is fucking awesome, and i mean that snark-free. you know what i spent a lot of time, energy, and real money on? Mass Effect 3. man that game fucking ruled. every time i played it i was psyched. i loved the storyline, the characters were awesome, the graphics were mindblowing. my character, a female space marine/spaceship captain went around making out with other females in the game. it was so great. and for me it was worth every penny. wait, you're no doubt saying, what's the point of that? exactly! that's the point. not everyone gives that big of a shit about a halloween costume, just as not everyone gives two shits about sweet-ass video games. sometimes people will half-ass it. sometimes they may not even wear a costume (and by that i don't mean nudity, altho...). who are you to judge? as a bearded man, one year, i was like "fuck, i don't feel like shaving." so i went as the Unibomber. it was seriously what i generally wear everyday, and then a grey hoodie and aviator shades. i already had the hoodie, and my GF bought the shades for like 99 cents somewhere. i was sure someone would crawl up my ass at some point, but i actually got a lot of compliments. i think there are people who would say that costume was half-assed, but i actually did it fully assed. i didn't just go "oh shit, what am i gonna wear?" i was like "i'm gonna be the Unibomber". other people probably have been it many times, but so what? it doesn't always work out, however. last year i had no costume and no ideas, but i really wanted to drink, and i didn't want to be the guy with no costume, so i shaved down to a 'stache, put on my winter hat, cut off some pants i never wear to flood-water levels, drew a mustache on my pointer finger, wore a plaid shirt i've gained too much weight to normally wear, and went as a "hipster". it was so lame. and the drunker people got, the more they were like "are you a lumberjack?", so it just became a hipster lumberjack (totally a thing, guys!). i'm not proud of it, but fuck, whattayagonnado? i still managed to have a shit-ton of fun drinking and karaoake-ing (that's the correct verb form of karaoke, by the way). my long-winded point is just not to be so rigid on the costume thing. not everyone has the imagination you may have, but they may want to be apart of the festivities.
also, can we not slut shame? the sexy/slutty version of most costumes is kinda lame, but it doesn't make those people bad people. i dunno, i don't think we should slut shame in life, and Halloween is just another day, right? a fun day, but a day nevertheless. also, some sexy costumes are kind of okay (and i'm not just saying that cuz of the boners). like, people may disagree, but i think Sexy Librarian is fully acceptable. i'm also not totally anti- Sexy Nurse. but most of them are right out. Sexy Kermit is just... jesus christ... i can't...
i'd tell you what i'm going as, but i want people to get the full effect in person. it's not a giant leap, but it did take a bit of effort, and i think it's imaginative. and one of these days, as promised for many years, i WILL go as a Scary Ghost (sheet w/ eyeholes cut out).
have Happy Halloweening, everybody.
*the actual origin of Treat-Or-Treating. or not. i grew up Evangelical, and was lectured at many times of the evils of Halloween.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Neglectful.
i haven't done much with this blog, mainly because i don't know if anyone reads it. i think the lack of commenting has been a big indicator of that, but perhaps not. I'm not begging for comments, please don't think that. it just makes it difficult to gauge whether anyone reads or not. with LJ it was at least sort of implied that people who were LJ Friends read the stuff. this is harder. i tend to try and plug it via tumblr, and i know there are followers of me there, but not that many, and who knows. anyway, enough pity party. just in case anyone does in fact see this and go "he hasn't written anything in a while", i haven't written it off. i've just been slightly neglectful.
as a mini update of sorts: i've been playing Final Fantasy 1 (see previous post on my attempt to play through all of the original 8/16 bit ear FF series) off and on, and it's pretty goddamn hard. we forget that old video games are actually harder, mainly because the bells and whistles of the new games are often used to detract from the actual gameplay/storyline/difficulty. i've beaten way more new games than anything from the NES/SNES/Genesis, etc era. truth be told, i don't even think i've ever been a Mario game. i beat the 1st Sonic The Hedgehog with the help of Game Genie, the "real" ending, anyway (i finished it a few times without collecting all the Chaos Emeralds, which is not actually beating it; Game Genie had a code that gave you 5 out of 6, you pick one up in the first bonus stage, and as long as you can make it through the game, there's the win). and Metroid, as far as classic gaming goes, is my crowning achievement. i did in fact beat that, no game genie or codes, but it did take fucking forever. as for Contra, i distinctly recall using the Konami Code to get 30 lives, and getting very far, but i don't recall ever beating it. shit's hard, y'all.
speaking of old NES, i think the best thing (and it's been widely discussed on the net, some i'm not breaking new ground here) is the incredibly deceptive box art for the old 8 bit games. one of the best examples of this is the Megaman games.
for example, the US version of the 1st Megaman box art is this:
as a mini update of sorts: i've been playing Final Fantasy 1 (see previous post on my attempt to play through all of the original 8/16 bit ear FF series) off and on, and it's pretty goddamn hard. we forget that old video games are actually harder, mainly because the bells and whistles of the new games are often used to detract from the actual gameplay/storyline/difficulty. i've beaten way more new games than anything from the NES/SNES/Genesis, etc era. truth be told, i don't even think i've ever been a Mario game. i beat the 1st Sonic The Hedgehog with the help of Game Genie, the "real" ending, anyway (i finished it a few times without collecting all the Chaos Emeralds, which is not actually beating it; Game Genie had a code that gave you 5 out of 6, you pick one up in the first bonus stage, and as long as you can make it through the game, there's the win). and Metroid, as far as classic gaming goes, is my crowning achievement. i did in fact beat that, no game genie or codes, but it did take fucking forever. as for Contra, i distinctly recall using the Konami Code to get 30 lives, and getting very far, but i don't recall ever beating it. shit's hard, y'all.
speaking of old NES, i think the best thing (and it's been widely discussed on the net, some i'm not breaking new ground here) is the incredibly deceptive box art for the old 8 bit games. one of the best examples of this is the Megaman games.
for example, the US version of the 1st Megaman box art is this:
what the shit??
the actual gameplay, of course, looks like this:
see, super cartoony and rad. Megaman doesn't carry a weird laser gun or have a yellow suit with blue accents. he's a robot with a kid face, his arm is a gun (specifically a "Buster", why not a "Blaster", i don't know), and his suit is all blue, seemingly with underoos on that outside like an old timey superhero.
Megaman 2 is closer:
still... no cigar.
the suit is right, but it still looks like a dude, and he's holding a gun, rather than the gun being attached to his arm, "Buster" style. also, the actual gameplay looks like the above shot from MM1: 8-bit pixellated cartoony radness. not the super animated for you see here.
it wouldn't be till Megman 3 for NES that we got much closer to what you actually might see within the game, if much more highly rendered to make it more appealing (i guess?) for sales purposes:
yes, that actually looks like Megaman, he has the Buster, the robot look, the enemies look like robots and not guys. i guess they figured by this point the series had caught on in the US, so they had to be a bit more true to form.
incidentally, in Japan, Megaman is known as "Rockman", and here's the box art for the Famicom (original NES) game:
why, that's what they actually sort of look like!
the mind boggles.
incidentally, if you had the original NES, and bought games that were actually developed by Nintendo, the box art was not deceiving at all. it pretty much looked exactly like what the gameplay looked like. that certainly didn't stop anyone from buying millions of Mario games, or Metroid, or even Duck Hunt.
Super Who What-Now? doesn't ring a bell...
if only they had stuck with super rendered,
ridiculously intricate box art that had nothing to
do with the actual gameplay. such a waste!
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